Writing a blog is not my first choice of communication, especially on a topic that is as important and sacred to me as this 3 year retreat. I would much prefer to sit with you over a cup of coffee and share my thoughts and feelings about doing this retreat. So I decided to pretend I was sitting with one of my good friends who have asked me many of the following questions.
So what is a "3 year retreat", what do you do and what can't you do?
It is actually 3 years 3 months and 3 days. Over a thousand days of silence and complete disconnection from the outside world. There will be no technology whatsoever. No laptops, cell phones, radio, television. It is my understanding that for the majority of the retreat no outside reading material other than material relevant to the retreat itself will be available.
The majority of our time will be spent in deep meditation. The periods of deep meditation are usually for 30 days at a time, but I believe in this retreat we will be doing 60 and 90 days of deep retreats. Deep retreat is very structured and involves long periods of time meditating and reciting prayers and mantras. We are also required to do a physical practice everyday such as yoga. These retreats are physically and mentally rigorous and leave very little time to do anything but the required practices. The deep retreat begins at 4 am in the morning and the last session can start as late as 9pm or 10 pm. In the Christian tradition there is a history of long retreats which was popular with certain contemplative traditions.
The time between the deep retreats will probably be devoted to study. As a group we have been fortunate to have teachers who have devoted their lives to translating ancient Tibetan and Sanskrit texts and designing classes which present in-depth Buddhist teachings in a logical, concise and exacting manner. These teachings include in-depth visualizations that require a certain level of meditative focus and concentration that can only be developed through intensive meditative practices. Not having even remotely reached a decent level of this meditative practice, for me, this retreat seems mandatory.
I can compare it to in some ways to the years I spent in study in order to get my doctorate in psychology and then stopping short of completing this degree by failing to complete my dissertation. This 3 year retreat is the completion of this in-depth course of Buddhist studies.
Where will you be doing your retreat?
The retreat will take place at Diamond Mountain which is located about 15 minutes from Bowie, Arizona in Southeastern Arizona. The cabins are all currently being built and the structures will be simple and functional in design with the focus being on maintaining a low impact on the beautiful natural environment. We will be using solar for our electrical needs which will be minimal and also be using a drastically reduced amount of water averaging about 5 gallons a day.
I will be sharing a retreat cabin with a dear friend, Karen Becker. I am very fortunate to have the opportunity to share this space with Karen who is an excellent practitioner with a lot of experience doing retreats. Even though I will not be able to talk to Karen, knowing she is near will be a great comfort.
The square footage of our cabin will be 600 square feet. We each will have our own room which will have a bed, an altar, a chair and perhaps a desk for study and a small screened in porch extending out from the room. We will share a small kitchen and bathroom. I know this space is more than sufficient for this type of endeavor, but I am still struggling with the space limitation in my mind. I am used to lots of room and big spaces, my current home is 1700 square feet and that was a major shift from my home in Illinois which was over 5000 square feet. However, my backyard will be this amazingly beautiful space filled with ocotillo cacti and the view of the mountains. The most peaceful and quiet place I have encountered in Arizona.
I understand from previous retreatants that the physical conditions are minor -- it is the mental states that will truly be a challenge, and as a psychologist I can imagine how true that is going to be.
Will you be able to communicate with other retreatants, or with family and friends?
This is a silent retreat. This means no talking at all with anyone for the entire retreat. This seems to be the most difficult for most of my friends and family to understand or to comprehend doing. My grandchildren are positively amazed that anyone could or would want to do this. In my limited experience this has been the easiest part of retreat. Much more challenging is the incessant chatter of the mind. The mind is constantly "thinking" and processing information. In a single finger snap there are approximately 60 fragments of thoughts. However, the world we live in with all the electronic stimulation and talking that we do makes the mental "chatter" recede to the background. If we talked aloud to ourselves all day long we would be diagnosable. But having a mind that is incessantly chattering is considered perfectly normal in our culture.
In addition to not talking, notes and letter writing are not allowed. We will be in minimal contact with a group of very generous people who have offered to care-take the people doing three year retreat. They will be bringing in our food, medicine and whatever else we may require.
I am still struggling with not being able to have any contact with my mother who I have a very close relationship with. She will be 83 years of age when I start my retreat and there is a possibility that something may happen to her while I am in retreat. Not being able to be there for my family and friends is a very difficult aspect for me in doing this retreat. I believe in this practice and this path and know that the best thing I can do is to do this retreat for all their benefit. I just don't yet have the necessary wisdom to be able to explain it to them so that they can understand the purpose of this retreat, and this makes it very painful.
Is this retreat at all relevant to your profession of psychology, and would you not be of better service to others by continuing to practice your profession?
I obtained my doctorate in psychology at the age of 50. I was interested in being of help to others, but more significantly in the "unused potential" I kept seeing in the clients that I worked with. Questions kept arising. Why do we keep repeating negative patterns of behavior that continue to limit our potential? Why do we keep doing things that create suffering for ourselves and others in the misguided search for happiness and fulfillment? I began to understand that happiness, joy, and well-being comes from an internal state of being. It comes from developing our minds in a certain manner through meditative practices and through a developing a different understanding of how our thoughts, words and actions affect our interactions in the world we live in. It does not come from outside sources such as wealth, possessions, fame or "perfect" relationships.
Research scientists recently discovered the neuroplasticity of the brain which means that new neurons can continue to grow even as we age. There is a recent study conducted at University of Wisconsin with Tibetan Buddhist monks who had completed 3 year retreats. The study indicated that meditation can change the inner workings and circuitry of our brains. The area of the brain that seems to be predominantly affected is the prefrontal cortex which is associated with positive emotions and happiness. Other results indicate an improvement in concentration, memory, as well as enhanced immune system functioning. All of these results can be of great benefit for our society in general and especially for our large aging population of baby boomers. I am very interested in contributing in anyway to this fund of research and welcome anyone who might be interested in studying our group to further this research.
Why do you want to do 3 year retreat? I don't understand how you can leave the world and go into total isolation for 1,000 days.
Because I want what everyone on this planet wants: to be happy and to be at peace. The kind of happiness I seek is not "out there" but has to be found within me. It is the kind of "unshakeable" happiness that is constant and does not change in response to outside circumstances. The kind of happiness or joy that is solid and deep and enriches everyone around you and opens your heart so that you want to share everything you know and everything you have with everyone unconditionally. Since I have been practicing this path I have had a small taste of this kind of happiness. It is subtle and right beneath the surface. It is amazing to me as my life has been challenged on many levels and even when I lose my connection to this subtle happiness it resurfaces quickly.
However, to get to a deeper and permanent level of joy is going to require working hard on a mind that is still clinging to a lot of negative projections and habits. I have to eliminate my own envy, anger, fear, selfishness and insecurity. My world and everything in it is reflection of my own mind. Crazy mind results in a crazy world. The only to change my world is to change myself. The only way to change myself is to work with my mind. I have been blessed with the most perfect teachers who have given us all the tools we need to reach mastery. However, this still requires a serious commitment of time and effort. It requires quiet and concentration. It requires a thousand days.
